The Deep Dive

The Deep Dive

As you reach your 30s and beyond, three categories of people will emerge around you: those who have done a deep dive, those who have not done a deep dive, and those who can’t do a deep dive. The majority of people will fall into the middle category; they are neither driven enough to stick with something nor sufficiently wounded to be stuck. They’re just busy. And busy is tempting because it looks productive and normal. But busy people can’t do a deep dive.

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How to turn your husband down for sex

How to turn your husband down for sex

In an ideal scenario, sex is a manifestation of loving commitment, but housework, children, jobs, miscarriages, emotional withdrawal and porn all keep us from celebrating sex as it can be. For those times when sex just isn’t practical or when we’re not in the headspace to connect, how can we turn our partners down while avoiding an emotional backlash?

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How to take privileges away without becoming a monster

How to take privileges away without becoming a monster

Controlling access to certain privileges is one of the most useful tools for healthy parental discipline. By intentionally using things our kids want to help foster responsibility and delayed gratification, you can help your children develop resilience and self-regulation. This is very different from simply taking things away when our kids make us angry.

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Practical discipline tips for parents

Practical discipline tips for parents

Much of our limited view of ourselves and our potential is due to the way we were disciplined as children and the bad theology underpinning it. To help parents raise their standard I’ve introduced the concept of un-discipline: parenting that is rooted in the self-sacrificial love of God. Here are 8 practical tips on how sacrificial parenting can be done on a day-to-day basis.

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How to Build Community (guest post with Melissa Joy Boerger)

How to Build Community (guest post with Melissa Joy Boerger)

If you’ve ever lived away from established friends and family you’ll know the importance of intentionally making new friends and building warm, loving community. These kinds of relationships are special and unique but they don’t have to be rare. My good friend Melissa recently shared some tips for building community and I’m sharing them here with a few added thoughts of my own.

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Love your neighbour, not yourself.

Love your neighbour, not yourself.

That’s not what the Bible says, but it’s what I’ve believed most of my life. Love your neighbour instead of yourself. I was the helper, I was the giver, the one who took care of others. But I began to resent myself and my emotional state began to yo-yo. Until I realized that loving myself was an act of worship to the creator, and that I was allowed to learn to love myself.

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What if nothing needs to change?

What if nothing needs to change?

What if my kid is loud and boisterous? What if my kid is emotional and standoffish? What if my kid is an annoying handful?

And what if nothing needs to change? I believe we can become the kind of parents who see the hidden, inner beauty of our children, and who choose to ignore the outer chaos. I’m not talking about letting a child hurt someone and just smiling about it. I am talking about present, strategic, engaged parenting that knows when to not sweat the small stuff, and when to dive in and help a little person become a big person on the inside.

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Why time-in beats time-out every time

Why time-in beats time-out every time

Your child storms off to their bedroom. You try and control your breathing. You’re both angry. You’re both back here again. But what if what you chose to do in this moment was the turning point for your relationship? What if you didn’t leave them alone for time-out, but joined them instead for time-in? What if your anger could be transformed into commitment to do whatever it takes to restore your child?

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The 5 punishment languages

The 5 punishment languages

There are five languages of punishment that we naturally gravitate towards, each of which are uniquely damaging to the heart of a child. Rather than hold up a warning sign or place a healthy boundary marker, by punishing we exert power over a child, which wounds their heart. Thankfully, there are alternatives!

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Choosing Peace

Choosing Peace

I quit my day-job recently. It was scary, stepping out and trusting God for what was next, but he hasn’t let me fall. My bills are paid, and I’m enjoying my new world. But that doesn't mean it's all roses. About once a week I find myself plunged into existential fear and chaos. One day last week I was overwhelmed by indecision, fear and confusion, and I had to make a choice: choose busy or choose peace.

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You're not alone and everything is going to be OK

You're not alone and everything is going to be OK

I met with a group of young Christians on the weekend to discuss the topic of loneliness. We each asked the question, "Where is Jesus when we feel lonely?" and I invited them to do a journaling exercise. We began by asking God to give us the name of someone we knew, who was lonely. Then we asked God what he would want that person to know. Matias got my name, and here’s what God told us both.

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