How to turn your husband down for sex

How to turn your husband down for sex

In an ideal scenario, sex is a manifestation of loving commitment, but housework, children, jobs, miscarriages, emotional withdrawal and porn all keep us from celebrating sex as it can be. For those times when sex just isn’t practical or when we’re not in the headspace to connect, how can we turn our partners down while avoiding an emotional backlash?

Read More

How to Build Community (guest post with Melissa Joy Boerger)

How to Build Community (guest post with Melissa Joy Boerger)

If you’ve ever lived away from established friends and family you’ll know the importance of intentionally making new friends and building warm, loving community. These kinds of relationships are special and unique but they don’t have to be rare. My good friend Melissa recently shared some tips for building community and I’m sharing them here with a few added thoughts of my own.

Read More

When there's not enough love

When there's not enough love

Love covers a multitude of sins. If one of your relationships can't tolerate something that has happened, then there's not enough love in it. What are you to do when you discover this? I think we all have two options: toss the relationship, or invest in it. One of those options is going to cost us a lot more than the other.

Read More

When you don't like who you married

When you don't like who you married

Many women I talk to tell me they married expecting a best friend, a confidant, a spiritual warrior, and a cuddle-bunny, all rolled into one. Many men I talk to tell me they were expecting a Godly but nymphomaniac sex vixen, the "righteous fox" promised by youth pastors, who would validate them at every turn and support all their crazy dreams. It seems that most of us were sold a bill of goods that didn't quite match up with our expectations. 

Read More

Sailboats and Marriage and Self Sacrifice

Sailboats and Marriage and Self Sacrifice

My wife and I travel in different circles, and are usually headed in different directions. She is a natural planner and strategizer, I am naturally empathic and sensitive. I feel first, she plans first. I work in a Christian ministry, she works at a University. When we got married, I had no idea what my dreams were, what my life’s goals were, or what calling God had placed on my life (whether or not you believe in such things). When we got married, Maija was already working the plan for her life. We’re very different to one another. We’re best friends, we’re lovers, we’re mom and dad to the same kids, but in many ways we’re poles apart.

Read More