I’ve grown up with the mentality that every problem is solvable and that I am welcome in every space to bring my knowledge and my help. But I’m learning right now that neither of those are true. The fact is, there are problems that I cannot solve and there are spaces I am simply not welcome in.

Do either of those statements offend you? I can promise you it’s been offensive to me! I’ll unpack the notion of not being welcome another day, today is all about the problems we can’t solve and to do about that. Over the last few months, I’ve sat and listened as many people have told me their stories. Some here in my own home, others over the internet, and still others abroad on my travels. Here’s what I’ve discovered:

Some problems are not going to be solved in a way any of us find satisfactory. They’re either too big or too complex. There’s just no solution.

A year ago I wouldn’t have been able to admit that. Even now, saying it, I can feel much of my programming freaking out inside me. But admitting that some problems can’t be solved isn’t pessimism, it’s just an honest, eyes-open, fully-informed assessment of reality. Don’t believe me? Jesus himself said that the poor would always be with us (Mark 14:7). That’s a shocking and tacit admission from the Lord of the universe that global poverty is not something we’re going to find a solution for in the foreseeable future. That doesn’t mean God couldn’t address it or that we shouldn’t work to lift the burden of the poor, it’s just that we won’t solve the problem of poverty itself. If that upsets you, then consider the number of other problems Jesus didn’t solve while he walked the earth. Yes, he healed many people, possibly even everyone he encountered… but he didn’t provide an ongoing cure for cancer, he didn’t deal with the Roman oppressors, he didn’t even remove the corrupt religious establishment that he so frequently spoke about. But he did show us how to endure impossible situations and how to come alongside others while they endure them.

The sooner we accept that there are problems that we are not going to solve, the sooner we can actually do something useful for those who are suffering. Just because we can’t solve their problems doesn’t mean that we should do nothing.

What we can do is to listen. We can offer the gift of our presence. When we have the freedom to walk away or close our eyes, we can choose to stay and be present. We can help bear the pain of another. We can enter that pain and help them carry it. If we can bring them a glass of water, or put a roof over the head, then we should do that too. But whether we can eradicate their poverty, heal their cancer, or restore their mental health or not, we can help to make an unbearable situation bearable by offering the comfort of our presence. By connecting with the humanity of another in honest, eyes-open, ears-hearing humility, we can help bear the load.

I say humility because for many of us, not being able to solve a problem feels humiliating. It’s extremely uncomfortable. We’re so used to being problem-solvers, especially those of us white people raised in relative privilege. To sit in silence with someone without a wise word or the ability to remove the pain is something that most of us just aren’t used to. But it’s often the most precious gift we can give to those who are hurting.

It’s far more than thoughts and prayers, it’s blood and tears. In the face of problems that we can’t solve, we can walk alongside someone for as long as God would have us do so, being present to them, feeling their pain with them, helping them endure the hardship. It’s the loneliness that turns a hard situation into a hellish one. Our unglamorous, unrewarded companionship can keep others from the hell of abandonment. In one sense, it costs us nothing. In another, it costs us everything. But it may mean everything to someone else, for you to stay.

The next time you encounter an impossible situation, don’t run away from it. Lean into the pain carried by others. Lean into the pain that you don’t have to feel. Lean into the humiliation of not being able to solve their problems. Lean into the loving presence of Christ, who promises to always be with the downtrodden and the poor in spirit.

For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

P.S. You can do the same for yourself, when you’re the one facing an unsolvable situation!

Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Breathe in deeply through your nose then exhale however you feel most comfortable. Repeat 3 times. Put your hand on your heart and picture what you looked like as a 5-year-old child. Imagine that 5-year-old is holding all of your emotions and all of your pain. In your mind’s eye, see them coming and sitting on your lap. What would you want to say to that child? What encouraging, supporting, kind words would you want to share with that part of yourself that hurts and feels alone?

Maybe something like, “I’m so sorry for this situation. I know it has overwhelmed you. I know it was too much for you and you felt like you were left alone to deal with it. I’m so sorry. I don’t know if I can solve the problem, but I can promise you this: you are not alone. I will never leave you or forsake you. I see you. And I commit to staying with you and walking with you. Whatever this journey holds for us, I will be right here with you.”

Sit for a while in that safe space with your emotions and feel how your heart responds. This hidden sacredness is the same thing we offer those around us who are in pain. Seeing them. Staying with them. When we speak (and embody) this truth of never being alone we enter into the work that God is doing in this world. We communicate his loving presence to ourselves and to others. And that’s what makes all the difference.

There are some situations that we just can’t solve. But we can walk alongside someone all the same and help to make an unbearable situation bearable.

I’ve grown up with the mentality that every problem is solvable but I’ve been forced to reconsider my position. Does that offend you? I can promise you it’s been offensive to me! Over the last few months, I’ve sat and listened as many people have told me their stories. Some here in my own home, others over the internet, and still others abroad on my travels. Here’s what I’ve discovered: Some problems are not going to be solved in a way any of us find satisfactory. They’re either too big or too complex. There’s just no solution. So where does that leave us?

How to get closer to God when you're afraid of him

A reader recently asked, “How do I draw closer to God, if I have a fear of him?” I was touched by the bravery and vulnerability it took to pose the question. Whatever the reasons for your fear of God, you deal with the issues and start drawing nearer to him, right now, today. Here’s my quick and painful guide for overcoming fear of God caused by traumas in your life.

When God rescues us

The journey of life is convoluted and often confusing. Sometimes we can see our desired destination right in front of us but the road we’re on takes us through deserts and the valleys before we get there. It’s that journey which forms us into people of greater stature, but our hearts can be hurt during the process. We might find ourselves asking, “God, do you even care?” But he does care, and in our hour of distress, he promises rescue.

When you can't solve the problem

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