For the second time in two years I felt it was time to quit my job. (If that makes me sound like someone who cuts and runs… know that I stayed with my first employer for 13 years.) Here I was once again, sitting on the edge of the boat, watching Jesus out on the water. It was scary, but I felt him calling me to come out, to trust him and step out of my predictable 9-5 routine. When I made that step, I had no idea how I was going to pay my mortgage the following week. But I couldn't ignore the prompting inside, the gentle voice that kept repeating, "Trust me. I am good. Come." So I did... I stepped out of the boat. And somehow, I haven’t sunk yet. In fact, within days my inbox was overflowing with requests to contract me for this project or that. I've been freelancing ever since and enjoying being able to dedicate more time with my family and local church ministry.
That doesn't mean it's all easy or care-free. About once a week I find myself glancing down at the waves, and then being plunged into existential fear and dread. Just last week, Thursday specifically, I was in this place. There was work that I needed to do, obligations I needed to honour, but I couldn't bring myself to do any of it. My own fear and other related emotions threatened to overwhelm me. I couldn’t focus, couldn’t decide what to do, couldn’t even decide what to eat. I knew a panic attack was soon approaching.
I decided to lay down on the couch and give it all up to God. I called it quits once again. As I laid there, all I could do was to say, "God, I need you. I'm a mess, and I don't even know why." I had some soft music on, and I think I must have fallen asleep. Eventually my alarm went off, and I sat up, and began thinking about what to do next. In that quiet moment, I realized the fear and chaos was gone. I stood up, and started getting ready to head out to a meeting I had that afternoon. As I crossed my living room, I was arrested by a gentle whisper, "You have chosen the better part."
Here I was, making myself busy because I felt like I needed to please God once again and show my thankfulness for him providing me with the means of caring for my family and paying the bills… and all he wants to do is spend time with me. He’s so much better than we ever expect.
Keep choosing God, my friends, even when you're busy, even when it doesn't make sense, even when it seems irresponsible.
Keep choosing the better part.
Keep choosing peace.
It’s so worth it.