Sums it all Up

My good friend Rochelle bought me 'My Utmost for His Highest' when she was here for Fresh Wind. I love it. Mostly. There are the occasional spots that I find are kindof old world thinking, things to do with grace and freedom in Christ. Anyway... most of it is excellent. For those who have no clue what it is, it's a daily devotional. Originally published in 1935.

Last sentence of my reading last night:
"But if this time of soaking before God is being spent in getting rooted and grounded in Him, which may appear to be impractical, then you will remain true to Him whatever happens."

It blew me away. It sums up everything I'm trying to do at the moment with God. Everything my spirit is yearning for. It's been very hard for me trying to learn to spend time with God regularly, it's something I've never done before. Often when I try, it's felt like I wasn't being myself. Like I was faking or lieing, that the real me didn't spend time soaking. It's been hard breaking out of that mindset and the lies I've let become me. But... it's good. If it wasn't worth it, it wouldn't be hard. And everything in my life has been pointing to this as well. Sometimes feeling out of place at Youth Net, not having any real close guy friend who I can just go and hang out with anytime, not having my Dad living with us anymore. Trying not to put all these things on Maija, but trying to still expect a Godly level of love and fulfillment from her. Even things with my cell leaders, that you may find more information about in time. But yeah, all these things, everything in my life, has been pushing me so clearly to God. It's so freakin hard... dieing to myself in so many regards. But... I know it's God's plan, cause I know he's got huge plans for me, and for me and Maija, and I know that I need to learn now for him to be my source. I've been operating out of the strength of Pudd for the last 4 weeks, and it sucks ass. Real ass.

Anyway, coming across that little sentence last night encouraged me so much.

"But if this time of soaking before God is being spent in getting rooted and grounded in Him, which may appear to be impractical, then you will remain true to Him whatever happens."

Amen to that.

In other news, go back and check the Money Making Scheme post. I'm serious. Read it. It's legit. Believe me people! Oh yeah, and I'll write about my new job later.